Facing the unthinkable: Women who sexually abuse children

by Robyn Wolfson Vorster | Jun 3, 2025 | Child Abuse

In a 2008 study, 41% of boys who had been sexually abused reported that their perpetrator was a woman. No such stats exist for girls but research on female perpetrators shows that like boys, girls can be abused by female family members, educators, and even domestic workers. Secret, unacknowledged, and often unprosecuted, female perpetration against children is a huge unspoken crime.

When children attend our grooming awareness workshops, the first thing we ask is if they can identify a predator. They’re given images of people of different genders, races, ages, professions and socioeconomic groups to rank from “most likely to groom and sexually abuse children”, to “least likely”.  The goal is to demonstrate that they can’t identify predators based on outward appearances. It always results in lively debate, though, and their choices are instructive. 

When they give feedback about who they think is the most obvious predator, only a handful of children choose women, and then usually the woman who looks like she has lived a rough life, or the teacher because of her easy access to children. 

There is only one image that no child has ever chosen. It is the image of the gentle looking domestic worker cuddling a pre-schooler. This disbelief that women, and specifically the women closest to us, can be predators is one of the reasons that many operate with impunity.

It is also what kept Beth Amato quiet for decades. 

It has been 35 years since Beth was first abused. The daughter of a mother struggling with her mental health, whose work took her out of the home, often late at night, her parents outsourced care for their pre-school twins to their cherished nanny Florence*. 

Taking on the role that Beth’s mentally ill and overwrought mother could not manage, she became indispensable almost immediately, and an integral part of the family. Whatsapp messages written by Beth’s mother many years later identified Florence as her most trusted confidante, “the only person”, she stated, who “understood” her. 

The texts Beth’s mother sent to Florence after she left the family’s employment expressed how much she loved and missed her.

Beth also adored Florence when she was young but vividly remembers the moment when everything changed. It was a normal bath time until her nanny instructed her twin brother to get out of the bath. Leaving Beth in the bath, Florence dried and dressed him.  When the little boy finally left the room, her nanny began to fondle and rub Beth’s genitals. Despite only being five at the time, Beth remembers that she didn’t like it. 

Before she got out of the bath Florence told her not to tell anyone and that no one would believe her anyway. “It’s between us girls,” Florence said.

The abuse continued over a period of a year and then abruptly stopped. From that moment, Florence transferred her affections to Beth’s twin, cruelly isolating and rejecting the small girl. 

Despite her young age, Beth personalised the abuse, caught in shame and self-blame. Experiencing her body as an unsafe place, she developed an eating disorder in her teen years, trying to use her weight to create a barrier around her body, attempting to keep herself safe from unwanted sexual advances.  But her efforts were in vain and the early sexualisation led to further abuse, promiscuity but also the tormenting belief that no one would ever find her attractive. 

For years she concealed what had happened. At 19 when she finally disclosed the abuse to her beloved father, his response was: “Beth, a woman does not sexually abuse children.” Her dad was nonetheless supportive in later years. But Florence continued to work for Beth’s family for 12 years despite their full knowledge of what she had done. 

It took Beth much longer to tell her mom, and for good reason. When she finally did, her mother was incredulous, suggesting they call Florence in to hear her side of the story. Not wanting to confront the abuse with her abuser, Beth refused. But her mother’s enduring faith in Florence was confirmed by those devastating texts that she sent to her years after Beth first disclosed the abuse. 

Although Beth only discovered these texts after her mother’s untimely death, they corroborated the message Florence’s continued presence in her parent’s home had telegraphed. Florence had been right, her mother, the person most responsible for her care, safety and wellbeing, did not believe that Beth had been abused.

Her abuser continued to work for her parents until she retired when Beth was 31. She had been employed by Beth’s parents for 27 years. Twenty six of those years were after she first abused their daughter. To date, she has not been held accountable. 

Abuse at home

Like Beth, Martin Pelder’s abuse took place predominantly in the bath. Decades later, he can still describe his childhood bathroom in minute detail. From the blue fluffy towels and bath mat, to the Hitashi washing machine, the shape of the mirror, to the smell of the Colgate apple shampoo and the Lux soap.  

Most of all, he remembers the scratching sound that the latch made when his abuser used a coin or a key to open the door he had so carefully locked, the fear he felt, and running his bath water earlier and earlier to try to avoid being in the bath when she came home from work.  

But somehow she always knew. Nor could he escape, because Martin’s abuser was his own mother.  

Martin, who has spoken extensively in public about his experiences, describes how she would push open the locked bathroom door and take off her shirt. She’d scrub his back with a rough cloth or brush until it was raw and close to bleeding, then scrub behind his ears, always saying the same thing, “we don’t want you to grow cabbages here”. These banal activities belied what always followed, the molestation, his mother washing and playing with his genitals, seemingly amused by his resultant erection.

The terrifying baths his mother gave him when he was eight or nine are forever etched in his memory. Vaguer are the memories of her curly head performing oral sex on him when he was about five or six.

The last time his mother, who also beat him physically, hurt him was when he was 18. By then he was six foot three inches tall but she still slapped him for visiting his father who was estranged from her. Although she weighed over 20kg more than him, Martin remembers picking her up, holding her at arm’s length and putting her down on the bed so she couldn’t hit him any more. 

She never tried to hurt him again. But it was her voice he heard in his head when at 16 he lined his motorbike up with a concrete bridge pylon. 

“You’ll mess it up,” her voice mocked. He imagined himself surviving but lying helpless and forever changed in hospital. In torment, he chose not to kill himself.  

Although he did not die that day, his mother’s abuse, which she has consistently denied, left him sexualised, aggressive and misogynistic, and triggered decades of abuse at the hands of other perpetrators, both female and male, and years of substance abuse at his own hands.

It even subsumed the joy when his baby daughter was born — at the time the highlight of his young and troubled life. Overwhelmed with love for her, he clearly remembers standing changing her nappy and hearing the devil on one shoulder telling him that he would put his fingers into her tiny vagina and assault her, even as the angel on the other told him he loved her and would never hurt her.  

Fearful that the angel was wrong, he withdrew emotionally from his much-anticipated child, just in case. 

In the decades that followed, Martin, like Beth, had to fight for his own healing. His mother, now 92, has never been held accountable for the abuse. 

The myth that only men abuse

Experts who have studied female sexual abusers of children believe that lack of consequence is probably the norm, despite the crime being far more prevalent than is commonly understood.

A 2008 South African study on the sexual abuse of boys found that of the almost 130,000 males surveyed, approximately 40% had been forced to have sex by the age of 18. Of those, 41% had been sexually abused by female perpetrators and 26% had been forced to have sex by both male and female perpetrators. 

There are no commensurate South African studies on girl victims of female perpetrators. The crimes are also frequently underreported because of shame, and because many in authority, like Beth’s dad, don’t believe that women can sexually abuse children. 

Nonetheless, the study belies the myth that only men abuse. Instead, it confirms global figures cited by one of the few South African academics to study female perpetrators, Dr Sherianne Kramer, which suggest that as many as one in four children are abused by female perpetrators. 

Kramer explains that we are reluctant to acknowledge female paedophilia, defined as sexual attraction to pre-pubescent children, or that women may have agency to act on those desires and the ability to operate independently, rather than as an accomplice to a man.  

The two biggest hinderances to recognition of these crimes are that women are generally seen as nurturing and maternal and therefore incapable of sexual transgression, especially against vulnerable children, and that because women don’t have a penis, they are seen as incapable of penetrative sexual abuse, and other forms of abuse are seen as “less serious”.

However, the South African Criminal Law (Sexual Offences and related matters Amendment Act, 2007) broadened the definition of rape to include unlawful and intentional penetration of the mouth, anus or genital organs with an object or any part of the body; and sexual assault to include any unwanted sexual act or behaviour including touching, groping, fondling, or any form of sexual coercion or intimidation. Sexual grooming is also a criminal offence.  

Both Beth and Martin’s stories graphically illustrate that their abusers used the role of nurturer as access to abuse them, and that even in the absence of genital penetration, the impact of the abuse on their lives was catastrophic. 

Kramer found that South African practitioners and the general populace are also reluctant to accept that female sexual offenders often prey on very young children. This reality has recently been highlighted in the horror case of Nada-Jane however, the four-year-old girl sexually assaulted and murdered, allegedly by her father’s partner and former pre-school teacher, Amber Lee Hughes. 

Hughes is currently on trial for the rape and murder of the child. According to National Prosecuting Authority spokesperson Phindi Mjonondwane: “The accused allegedly raped the deceased by inserting an unknown object in her private parts, it is also alleged that she drowned her… Her lifeless body was later found floating in the bathtub.”

‘Mrs Robinson’ narrative

While the general populace is more willing to acknowledge female predation on adolescent boys, the so-called “Mrs Robinson” narrative, many people believe it is the ultimate teenage boy’s fantasy. The result is that those victims who recognise that they’ve been abused and are brave enough to report it, often have the crime trivialised or the impact minimised.

This is particularly common with female teachers who victimise their pupils. 

It was evident in South Africa’s most notorious case of sexual abuse by a female teacher, former Bishop’s College History teacher and waterpolo coach Fiona Viotti. Viotti’s school found her guilty of sexual misconduct with five boys between 2013 and 2019 after she had sexual intercourse with the pupils and exposed them to pornographic images.  

Despite her having been in a position of power over the boys she abused, and her former school having reported her to the police and South African Council of Educators for investigation of the crimes, the response of the public ranged from salacious “atta boys” to an outpouring of sympathy for her.

Comments such as, “wish she was my teacher at school” and “where can I get extra lessons” along with Big Blue’s distasteful “Waterpolo Teacher’s Pet” T-shirts trivialised and ridiculed the boys’ experience as victims, while Facebook pages entitled “We stand with Fiona Viotti” and “Fiona Viotti is the greatest teacher ever” portrayed her as vulnerable, wronged and misunderstood.

Partly because of the public’s reaction, which compounded the harm to the boys involved, portraying them as instigators, benefactors or equally complicit, parents of the victims would not allow their names to be given to the police or for the South African Council of Educators to interview them.  The case could not proceed as a result.  

To date, Viotti hasn’t experienced any legal or criminal consequences for her actions.

But Viotti’s isn’t an isolated case. Female sexual predators are prevalent in South African schools. Commonly reported grooming behaviour includes accessing changing rooms, one-on-one time with children behind closed doors, physical boundary violations such as stroking, massaging, kissing and back rubs, private messaging, inappropriate attire, allowing pupils to access exam papers or use contraband to create a shared secret, sending naked or sexualised images or videos, and exposing children to pornography.

International examples

While most of these South African cases have yet to be prosecuted, cases from the US and the UK illustrate what can happen when we ignore female sexual predators. Few are as instructive and troubling as that of Mary Kay Letourneau.

Letourneau first met her victim Vili Fualaau when he was eight years old.  

Four years later, she began a sexual relationship with him. When she was arrested for felony second degree rape, she was already six months pregnant with Fualaau’s child. Her seven-and-a-half-year sentence was commuted to six months with three suspended provided she sever all ties with Fualaau. But, shortly after her release, she was re-arrested for continuing to have sex with him.  Her full sentence was reinstated and during her imprisonment she gave birth to a second child fathered by Fualaau.

After her second incarceration, she and Fualaau, by then an adult, applied to get the no-contact order revoked. The two married nine years after she first began abusing him.

Letourneau died from colon cancer aged 58. In an interview with 7News shortly before her death, journalist Matt Doran, who described their relationship as arguably the most extended case of child sexual abuse, asked them how it began. Letourneau insisted that at 12, Vili had “initiated the relationship”. She forced Fualaau to reluctantly state publicly that he had pursued her and seduced her. She took no responsibility for raping him despite being a teacher in authority over him, married with four children and 22 years his senior.  

The Letourneau case highlights a weakness in the US legal system also evident in South Africa. Fualaau’s abuser was sentenced for second degree rape because of Fualaau’s age and her supervisory role over him, not for rape. This legal negation of the crime’s impact is mirrored in South Africa where female predators are often prosecuted for consensual sex with a minor child (previously called statutory rape), rather than rape. This despite the Sexual Offences Act stating that consent is not possible if the victim is groomed, persuaded to give consent, or the victim of an abuse of power or authority.

Moreover, in South Africa, those found guilty of consensual sex with a minor child often receive a suspended sentence. And this, along with the disbelief that female sexual abuse is possible, and damaging, may be why Kramer’s studies and those of another researcher Dr Beba Papakyriakou revealed that only a small number of women offenders are arrested and incarcerated.  

Lifting the veil

Those who are arrested or who confess abuse in a therapeutic environment typically don’t see themselves as criminals, but as maternal, passive, vulnerable, victimised and innately virtuous. Offender studies confirm that female perpetrators rarely if ever believe that they have done something wrong.  When reflecting on the effect of their crime, they showed little or no empathy, focusing on the impact on themselves, not the victim.

None of the perpetrators the researchers interviewed believed that they were guilty of a crime. 

According to Papakyriakou, this is reinforced by the criminal justice system. While male offenders of child sexual abuse are identified when they are incarcerated, women are classified more broadly as “child abusers”.  This also means that programmes focused on behaviour change and restorative justice are not targeted towards sexual abuse.  

The offenders’ perspective that they are victims who have done nothing wrong, and the lack of targeted interventions for the handful of women who confess or are convicted and incarcerated could also explain why some female perpetrators reoffend.

Kramer and Papakyriakou’s research found that like male perpetrators, paedophilia in females and the sexual abuse of older children often results from trauma in early childhood, difficulties with intimacy and self-esteem, and control issues.

Female child molesters are virtually indistinguishable from the general population, but they share a high incidence of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse in their histories. Women for example, who abused children without male collusion were more likely to have been severely molested before the age of 10. The women’s relationships with their mothers were also found to be problematic, with physical and psychological abuse present in nearly all the relationships, resulting in poorer self-esteem. 

Crucially, Kramer highlighted the invisibility of female paedophiles because “society doesn’t expect females to commit this crime. A woman touching a child is more likely to be excused or rationalised or ignored than a man touching a child inappropriately.”

Papakyriakou concurs that the crime needs to be more broadly recognised, policed, prosecuted and therapeutically addressed if there is to be a meaningful impact on the incidence.

The starting point is the validation of the experience of victims, compilation of statistics to show how many boys and girls have been sexually abused by women, and high-level prosecutions, not for so-called lesser crimes such as consensual sex with a minor, but for rape, sexual grooming of a child, exposing a child to pornography, flashing (exposure or display of genital organs, anus or female breasts to children), and compelled self-sexual assault.   

For this to occur, authorities and society need to accept that women can be victims and perpetrators, that a penis is not a prerequisite for sexual assault, and most importantly, that the consequences of sexual assault are the same for the victim whether the perpetrator is male or female.  

Until we do, schools, sports facilities, communities and country clubs will be strewn with victims of these undisclosed crimes, and sexual abuse by women will continue to be the hidden backstory behind many children’s eating disorders, substance abuse, misogyny, promiscuity, teen pregnancy, violence and even suicide.

It’s time to lift the veil of secrecy and challenge the myth that women can’t sexually abuse children, and to include prevention of female perpetration in our safeguarding strategies.  Failing that, our violence prevention strategies will be incomplete and women will continue to sexually abuse children with impunity. 

First published in the Daily Maverick: 03.06.2025

*Not her real name.